Supporting the Young People in Our Lives: A Reflection for International Youth Day

Yesterday, August 12, was International Youth Day, a reminder to pause and think about the young people around us. Not just what they are doing or achieving, but how they are doing on the inside. For many families, that question can feel harder to answer than it should be.

Young people today are navigating a lot. School pressures, social media, shifting friendships, uncertainty about the future, and for some, experiences that have left their nervous systems on high alert. As adults, whether we are parents, teachers, coaches, or clinicians, our role is not to have every answer. Our role is to show up in a way that helps a young person feel safe enough to be honest with us.

Start With Showing Up

Presence matters more than perfection. A teenager does not need a parent who always says the right thing. They need a parent who is consistently there, who notices when something seems off, and who stays close even when the young person pushes back or shuts down. Showing up looks different depending on the day. Sometimes it is a conversation. Sometimes it is simply being in the same room without pressing for details.

Listen Without Judgment

When a young person does open up, what happens in that moment shapes whether they come back the next time. Listening without judgment does not mean agreeing with every choice or decision. It means making space for the feeling first, before jumping to advice, correction, or worry. A young person who feels heard is far more likely to keep talking. A young person who feels judged learns to keep things to themselves.

This is where Dr. Bruce Perry's Regulate, Relate, Reason framework offers a helpful guide. Before problem solving can happen, a young person's nervous system needs to feel safe, regulated, and connected. In the Tame Your Tiger™ framework from our partners at CoRegulate Media, we describe this as helping the young person notice which "Tiger" is present and supporting their nervous system in finding its way back toward a Together Tiger state. When the Fire Tiger is activated or the Ice Tiger takes over, the Owl (the thinking, reasoning part of the brain) has a much harder time doing its job. Trying to reason with a young person in one of these dysregulated states rarely works, no matter how good the advice is. Regulation comes first. Relationship comes next. Reasoning and problem solving come last, when the young person feels safe, connected, and their Owl is available again.

Know When to Bring in Extra Support

Showing up and listening go a long way, but they are not always enough on their own. Sometimes a young person needs support beyond what a parent, teacher, or caregiver can offer alone. Recognizing that moment is not a failure. It is one of the most protective things a caring adult can do.

Local support matters here. Having access to a mental health provider who understands the community a young person is growing up in, and who can build a real relationship with them over time, makes a meaningful difference. If you are unsure whether it is time to reach out for additional support, that uncertainty itself is a good reason to ask.

A Community Effort

International Youth Day is a reminder that supporting young people is not the job of any one person. It is a shared responsibility that runs through families, schools, and communities. At Heart & Mind RVA, we walk alongside families in Richmond who are figuring out how to show up for the young people they love, one step at a time.

If you are wondering whether your family could use some support, we are here to talk.