From Division to Healing: Meeting Fear with Regulation

This week, we were reminded in the most devastating way that political violence is not abstract — it touches real people, real families, and whole communities.

Melissa Hortman, a mother, wife, Catholic, public servant, and beloved Minnesotan, was murdered along with her husband and their dog because someone disagreed with her politics. And now, Charlie Kirk, a husband, father, Christian, and leader in the conservative movement, has also been murdered while speaking publicly. Both were human beings deeply loved by their families, friends, and communities. Their lives cannot be reduced to political labels — they were so much more than that.

When tragedies like these happen, it’s natural for our nervous systems to go straight into fear. Fear is what drives all of us at times — it’s what wakes our Fire Tiger into fight or flight, or pulls our Ice Tiger into shutdown. Fear is protective, but when it’s unrecognized or unchecked, it distorts our view: disagreement starts to feel like danger, and differences of opinion start to feel like threats.

Violence grows out of that unchecked fear. Compassion, on the other hand, can only grow out of regulation. When we are at the top of our ladder — in safety, connection, and openness — we can honor fear without being ruled by it. From that place, we can see disagreement as just that: a difference, not a danger. We can meet one another with curiosity instead of judgment, compassion instead of attack.

Political violence is not only anti-democratic — it is anti-human. It robs families of loved ones and communities of leaders. It dysregulates the nervous system of our entire nation, keeping us stuck in cycles of fear and reactivity.

Today, I hold the Hortman and Kirk families in prayer, and all those grieving with them. And I hold hope for healing in our country — that we can learn to co-regulate across differences, to find safety in connection rather than fear, and to reject violence in all its forms. Only when we meet fear with regulation can compassion take the lead — and that is the only way forward together.  Inspired by from a Barrett Dunn’s post.