Play Is How We Grow, Connect, and Come Home to Ourselves

Some of my earliest and most meaningful memories are rooted in play.

My special bond with my grandfather — who passed away when I was seven and a half — was built through shared experiences. He took me along on farming chores and somehow made them fun. Time spent there with my cousins during the summers was filled with imagination and laughter: playing outside for hours, using cow patties as “mud monster footprints,” and turning fox traps into elaborate machines to study those footprints so we could capture the mud monsters.

In my neighborhood, my friends and I made up plays to perform for our parents. At school, recess meant kickball, freeze tag, jump rope, and hand-clapping songs. I played softball, helped my dad coach my younger brother’s soccer team, and spent my high school years on the flag line.

Those moments weren’t just fun.

They were how connection was built.

As an adult, play has continued to shape my relationships and my well-being. I play with my grandchildren — sometimes board games, sometimes video games. I travel with my husband and ride ATVs in places like Belize and Mexico. I still delight in playful spaces like the Museum of Illusions or Walt Disney World. I play card games and board games with my adult children and their partners, and I laugh with neighborhood friends at monthly Bunco nights.

I’m an introvert and don’t enjoy big, loud parties — but small, playful connections are deeply treasured. They refill my battery and help me return to work stressors and leadership challenges with more resilience. Play helps balance the work of life, no matter our age.

Only later — through my clinical work and training — did I come to fully understand why these experiences mattered so much.

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Play Begins as Communication

Long before we have words, play is how we communicate, learn, and connect.

Infants don’t learn through instruction. They learn through back-and-forth interaction — eye contact, facial expressions, movement, rhythm, and sound. A baby kicks their legs and a caregiver responds. A baby coos and someone smiles back. These playful exchanges are the foundation of safety, connection, and learning.

Fred Rogers captured this beautifully when he said:

“Play is often talked about as if it were a relief from serious learning. But for children, play is serious learning.”

Neuroscience now confirms what caregivers have always known. When the nervous system feels safe, the parts of the brain responsible for memory, learning, and integration come online. When safety is missing, those systems go offline.

At Heart & Mind Therapy, we often explain this by saying that the Hippo — the part of the brain responsible for memory and learning — comes up for air when the body feels safe. Play is one of the most reliable ways to create that safety.

This is also why we integrate play and sensory-based approaches into our work at every age. One example is Safe and Sound in the Sand, an intervention that combines the Safe and Sound Protocol with sand tray therapy. For some nervous systems — especially those shaped by early stress, trauma, or chronic overwhelm — words come later. Regulation comes first.

By pairing sound, rhythm, and the tactile, imaginative experience of sand, clients can engage in a form of play that supports safety and co-regulation without requiring verbal processing. It’s play in its most foundational form — relational, regulating, and deeply respectful of the body’s pace.

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What Changes — and What Shouldn’t

As children grow, learning often becomes more focused on sitting still, listening quietly, and absorbing facts. Yet research consistently shows that movement, engagement, and regulation support learning far more effectively than passive absorption alone.

Think back to how many important skills were learned through play:

   •   Cooperation and turn-taking

   •   Emotional regulation

   •   Problem-solving

   •   Creativity and flexibility

Play wasn’t a break from learning — it was learning.

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Play and Identity in Adolescence

Teenagers don’t stop needing play. They need it differently.

Through play, teens experiment with identity, test boundaries, try on roles, and discover what brings meaning and belonging. Whether it’s sports, music, theater, gaming, or creative expression, play supports the developmental work of answering: Who am I becoming?

When play disappears and life becomes only performance and pressure, we often see anxiety, shutdown, or risky behavior increase.

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When Adults Stop Playing

Adults may be the most play-deprived group of all.

Chronic stress, caregiving demands, cultural expectations of productivity, and survival-mode living can keep nervous systems from ever fully returning to regulation. When there is no intentional break — no joy, creativity, laughter, or rest — the body keeps score.

Without recovery between stressors, we see increased risk for:

   •   Burnout and emotional exhaustion

   •   Anxiety and depression

   •   Cardiovascular and immune system impacts

Play is not childish.

Play is how the nervous system returns to connection, safety, and restoration.

This is especially important for caregivers, parents, and helping professionals who spend their days giving to others.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PLkcL9Y5Tc7IzZSC-vCrZpUB8oubNzbwTt&v=_4ovwAdxCs0

Play Is Not a Luxury — It’s a Lifeline

During International Play Therapy Week, we take time to honor what research, relationships, and lived experience continue to show us: play is not something we outgrow.

Play supports development in infants.

It fuels learning in children.

It shapes identity in teens.

And it restores regulation and connection in adults.

At Heart & Mind Therapy, play and creative expression are not limited to childhood. They are essential tools for healing, growth, and nervous system health across the lifespan — whether through traditional play therapy, creative therapies, or interventions like Safe and Sound in the Sand.

Because no matter how old we are, we were never meant to live without moments of joy, imagination, movement, and connection.

And often, when we allow ourselves to play — truly play — we find our way back to ourselves.